An exhilarating piece I worked on.. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 🙂 
When the drums roll

And the red smoke wavers in the air, 

Your countenance kept lilting among the layers of the haze. 

Smokes of exotic grass were put to shame. 

There was a tune.. 

Bellowing in my ears as I held my gaze looking at you.

 The poise in which you pranced about on the stage could mute the entire human race.

I take a dip in the Ganges every morning only to see the sacred thread flowing away from me. 

I enter the temple to renew my spirit and faith in the morning only to walk to the brothel to witness your beauty in the evening. 

These saffron clothes don’t stick to me anymore. 

Three years after renunciation, my walks amongst the aghoris have proved to be pointing to your direction. 

Kashi is thronged with people to serve the lord and I’m here, 

Slaving to your fine movements. 

As I climb the stairs after a holy dip, the temple bells remind me of the evenings spent in your embrace. 

Silence looms over the secret life I lead. 

Bhakthi on one street and desire pulling me to another. 

I’m torn between these realms. 

The rudraksh beads around my neck remind me of your hazel black eyes. 

The kohl lined eyes are like roads leading to your warmth. 

The ash that I smear myself with, smells of you. 

The evening arathi at the edges of the river resemble your adornments and they beckon me to your dwelling. 

The flowing river of desire witnesses the fire in my loins. 

Celibacy, abstinence. 

I violated them out of my own will.

I’m an ascetic 

I’m a human. 

The duality in me seeks you. 

The conflict in me seeks the Lord. 

When the stern gaze of shiva’s third eye lands on me, 

I shall be destroyed. 

My sins only count for the bones and half burnt flesh resting in the ghats. 

I shall see no heaven or reach the lord’s feet. 

Our moans will only take me to edges of damnation. 

I prepare myself for an afterlife ,

To burn in hell.

Tears have no respite for duality. 

They say, “an ascetic must be whipped for his transgressions” 

I smile. 

And I, 

Submit.

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2 thoughts on “

  1. Beautiful – had me reeling through the contrast imageries so well-woven – felt like a voyuer to my inevitabilities, my dualities. Again, beautiful.

    Like

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