Past in its present.

Nostalgia hits you like a freight train.

A long drive across the city, 20 kms away from the place I stay, happened to be the locale where I spent 19 years of my childhood. The narrow streets which are now filled with swanky cars parked along both the sides, was once our playground. The deserted looking alley with houses unoccupied due to pathetic facilities, stand tall to scare away people like me who visit after 8 years. At 10 in the night, we drove past these places and recognizing every small detail that held our pasts together. The small shops and the fairly big super markets, the blind school and the police station. My school, most importantly, the place where I spent 12 years of my childhood, learning and unlearning experiences, mixed with happiness and sadness, learning how to build relationships and witnessing the ones that were falling apart. The winding pathway from my house to the school, mostly the stinking and reeking drain that used to cover half of our journey, talking to our friends and being a part of that small little world that made me into who I am today. Those houses, one above the other, with the open verandahs that looked so fanciful were once what we called, ‘our neighborhood’  and I lived in one of those houses, tucked in a street behind the main road. The grocery shop next to the small Park, with green shutters stared back at me with a grumpy and a grouchy grimace. I savored it all. I was in a place that no longer welcomed me, I had left it to reduce into ghostly ruins and to come back was the damnest thing to do. But I was there, nevertheless. The days I spent roaming about on those streets and cycling to all the narrow alleys were a part of my routine. A humble routine that I terribly miss. My school building, stood tall and the play ground looked smaller than it was but it was actually of the same size and the same shape. I had changed, my perception of my long lost world had changed over the years. Thanks to “growing-up”.

Coming to reality, which was mostly mixed with what I was telling you about. My ex’s place is two streets away from my school. Yes, I witnessed a wave of emotions wash over me and I was left spell bound by it all. But, that’s what life is all about. It keeps happening and taking turns in the most unfathomable directions. It’s 12 in the morning and I’m overwhelmed with my own life. I have a billion things to store in my treasure box. Experiences that have moved me and experiences that are yet to move me. I am that woman today, filled with confidence and also with no confidence at all. I stand at two extreme poles at the same time, debating about what I am doing and what I am about to do. I’m finally moved by what life can offer. Infinite at its best.

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