A long smiling epitaph…

These tempestuous thoughts about her is haunting me. I do not have an inkling idea of how she died but I sure do feel that what happened to her has left me with no hopes. She dies an unnatural death with suspicions tied to her and rising rumours. The flashes of her smile and the image of her dark glasses she used, to read and write in her class work, her leg twisted on the other and the lean figure I noticed when she entered the class saying, “ma’am, may I come in?” how am I supposed to put these thoughts and images behind me? I know how she died. She cried and sobbed like a baby. She screamed the unheard scream and rubbed her eyes a numerous times with her palm. She pulled her knees to her chin, folded her hands and put her head on it so she could not be found crying. She sits in a dark room and when the door opens, the light enters into the room like a deluge, washing away the darkness. She paced around, pitying herself in a situation like that. Her father would not agree at all. He was stubborn and had already decided on the groom. She had to marry him and he was not ready to take “no” for an answer. If it had to be a “no”, then it would be on his dead body. Maintaining the honour of the family was the primary idea and food, shelter came next. She had to struggle through her father’s decisions but her decision could not be surpassed by anyone and that was “her life”. She had the charge for it. Her father had no say in it. It was the only way to say “no” to her father. She was just 17 and marrying a man at an age where she should be laughing and smiling with her friends seemed inappropriate. She had to go against it, her father and finally her own life. Her voice could be heard only through the silent waves of her death. But these voices were also shunned and suppressed when the people around her who were known to her as “family” resorted to cover the whole affair with a string of lies.

For you, I lay a hundred different roses that match your smile. I am sorry, I live in a miserable world that has no escape and no one to rescue you from what you went through the past few months. It was a bleak world for you, no one to understand you and no one to share. I wasn’t close enough to understand the miseries of your life. I apologise for having seen your everlasting smile that is going to stay with me forever and having done nothing about the fading smile hidden behind it.

My dearest, go back to the dark world where you sought for peace. I hope your smile stays there forever and ever.


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